Best New York Comedy

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Amy Schumer’s just-released DVD Mostly Sex Stuff is great. Buy it here.

A small army of top stand-ups & storytellers relate tales of heartbreak at Jon Friedman’s The Rejection Show…

…and an annual tradition that’s resulted in two couples getting married and having babies: The PIT Dating Game

Tonight’s recommendations for the best in New York City comedy (in chronological order, with top picks noted and shows over $10 marked with $) include:

[TOP PICK] [FREE] 6:00 pm: For Valentine’s Day, John’s boyfriend Bryan Rucker co-hosts this weekly open-mic storytelling show at UCB East, with each performer given a whopping eight minutes to captivate & impress, hosted by the wonderful John Flynn: Oh, Hey Guys!

[ALMOST FREE] 6:00 pm ($1): PIT musical improv troupe Adorable mixes with musical improv novices on-stage at the downstairs lounge for Pitch

[FREE] 6:00 pm: Open-mic stand-up with comics’ names drawn from a bucket and each chosen receiving two minutes—and if that goes well, maybe a hug (but not actual puppies)—at The Creek’s upstairs theatre in Queens’ Long Island City hosted by Ross Parsons & Trey Galyon: Free Puppies

7:00 pm ($5): Two singing improv troupes make up entire musicals on the spot in this double-bill at The PIT downstairs lounge: Punchbowl and THEM

[FREE] 7:00 pm: In this free Magnet show, audience members (signing in at 6:00) can join in with improv troupe The Boss to make up scenes on the spot: Magnet Mixer

[TOP PICK] 7:30 pm ($10): The winners of this year’s Cage Match, UCBT Artistic Director Nate Dern, Zhubin Parang (writer for The Daily Show), Tracey Wigfield (writer for 30 Rock), Michael Kayne (Baby Wants Candy, Diamond Lion), Aaron Jackson (dynamite improvisor/actor), and more perform improv at UCB East springboarding scenes off interviewing an audience member about his or her love life: What I Did For Love

[MEGA-TOP PICK] 8:00 pm ($12 at the door or $14.83 in advance online): A small army of superb comedic writers, storytellers, and stand-ups—including Dave Hill, Sara Schaefer, Elna Baker, Adam Wade, Tom Shillue, Ted Travelstead, Arden Myrin, Lizz Winstead, Scott Moran, Ilana & Eliot Glazer, Giulia Rozzi, Abbi Crutchfield, Katina Corrao, Matt Koff, and more—sharing their tales of being turned down at Brooklyn’s Littlefield (622 Degraw Street) for this very special Valentine’s Day edition of Jon Friedman’s wonderful The Rejection Show: Heartbreak Haven

[TOP PICK] 8:00 pm ($10): At this terrific annual tradition at The PIT upstairs theatre, “Three hot New York singles will ask outrageous questions to determine which of our hilarious PITizens will be their Valentine. The winners get a date and the losers get prizes that are way too inappropriate to mention here. Two winning couples from past shows have gone on to get married and have babies!” Really, how many shows can say that?: The PIT Dating Game

[TOP PICK] 8:00 pm ($5): This show that interviews luminaries about what it’s like to have a dreamy job at UCB Chelsea tonight features Alex Karpovsky (cast member of HBO’s Girls), Michael Gottwald (Producer and Oscar nominee for Beasts of the Southern Wild), Neal Medlyn (performance artist), and “a special surprise guest” hosted by Catie Lazarus, plus music from Chris “Shockwave” Sullivan & Eric Biondo, and hard-to-describe stuff from Rob Lathan: Employee of the Month

8:00 pm ($5): Improv veteran Charlie Todd and a mob of young performers take a cynical approach to today’s holiday at the UCB Chelsea theatre: UCBT’s Anti-Valentine’s Day Spectacular

[TOP PICK] [$] 8:00 pm ($20): A former roommate & drinking buddy of such comedy giants as David Cross and Marc Maron performs a one-man show that was such a hit at August’s FringeNYC it’s been extended indefinitely. Please read my review by clicking here, and Jason Zinoman’s New York Times review by clicking here; and then come share an intimate hour with Matt Graham at the Soho Playhouse’s downstairs Huron Club so he can explain life and meaning and why This Too Shall Suck

8:00 pm ($5): Two singing improv troupes make up entire musicals on the spot in this double-bill at The PIT downstairs lounge: Hemlock and Dagger

8:00 pm-MIdnight ($7 for the entire evening): The Magnet house troupes Nintendo, Junior Varsity, The Boss, and Hello Laser performing improv for two hours, followed at 10:00 pm by Round Trip (long form improv that tells the story of a group of characters over the course of three separate monoscenes, directed by legendary improvisor Armando Diaz), and then at 11:00 improv competition Inspirado (like UCBT’s Cage Match, but with a game-like challenge component), tonight featuring last week’s winner vs. Megalou: The Magnet’s Night Out

[FREE] 8:00 pm: This weekly show features “a swarthy selection of fine stand-up comics and mildly entertaining recurring segments” at Queens LIC’s The Creek upstairs theatre, hosted by Jim Tews & Brendan Eyre: Chest Hair

[TOP PICK] [FREE] 9:00ish pm: Terrific NYC stand-ups (the lineup is typically announced around 3:00 pm; for an update, please click here) performing on this free weekly show at the Kabin Bar and Lounge hosted by Chesley Calloway and comedy genius Sean Patton: Comedy as a Second Language

9:00 pm ($5): Janine Brito (FX’s Totally Biased), Kevin Avery (FX’s Totally Biased), Michelle Wolf (IFC), Jared Freid (Huffington Post), and Alison Leiby performing stand-up at UCB East hosted by Adam Conover and/or Emily Heller: Fresh Out

[TOP PICK] 9:30 pm ($10): Hannah Geller (Scott’s 6th grade crush), Karley Sciortino (sex columnist and/or blogger for Slutever, Jezebel, Vice), Abby Robinson (author of Secrets of Shiksa Appeal), and Bob Powers (author of Girls Are Pretty) performing and sharing insider stories at The PIT upstairs theatre hosted by Scott R.: Running Late with Scott Rogowsky

[TOP PICK] 9:30 pm ($5): Improvisors make up one-act plays on the spot at The PIT downstairs lounge, produced by Dan Hodapp & Micah Sherman: The Scene

[FREE] 10:00 pm: NYC stand-ups (lineup not announced) performing at The Creek upstairs theatre in Queens’ Long Island City hosted by Justin Williams: Death Comedy Jam

[TOP PICK] [$] 10:30 pm ($5 & 2-item food/drink min.) Comics heckle a genre feature film—with tonight’s victim the 1956 Tarzan ripoff Liane, Jungle Goddess (for a trailer featuring “pounding fury” and “untamed passions of tempestuous people,” please click here) at Queens LIC’s Laughing Devil Comedy Club (4738 Vernon Blvd.): Devil Science Theater 3000

[TOP PICK] 11:00 pm ($5): Improv troupe Grandma’s Ashes grinded its competitor to dust last week with a vote of 98-35. Tonigth the champ faces group Rocky Vee at UCB Chelsea competing for your laughs and votes at the raucous Cage Match

[TOP PICK] 11:00 pm ($5): The Lucas Brothers (Jimmy Fallon), Emily Heller (Comedy Central, FX’s Totally Biased; staff writer for Rooftop Comedy; for ruminations on pregnancy, please click here), Michelle Wolf (IFC), and Patrick Salt Ryan performing stand-up and who knows what else at UCB East hosted by Jason Saenz: Undefined—A Variety Show

11:30 pm ($5): A one-woman show that proclaims “Donna Lobello is going to kill herself at the end of this show. This will be a fun-filled hour of Donna experiencing her life in its final minutes, and her making the best of it. So join her for a her last performance. It’s her dying wish” at The PIT upstairs theatre: Donna Lobello is Going to Kill Herself

[TOP PICK] [$] Midnight ($14 plus 2-item food/drink min.): Great lineup of uncensored stand-up from Dave Attell (one of the most respected stand-ups in the biz; star of Showtime’s Dave’s Old Porn and Comedy Central’s Insomniac; HBO, David Letterman, Conan O’Brien, Jay Leno, The Daily Show, Comedy Central Presents), Jena Friedman (wry dark comedy stand-up and rising star; producer for The Daily Show, former staff writer for David Letterman, host of Entertaining the Bartender), Nikki Glaser (co-star of MTV’s The Nikki and Sara Show; Conan O’Brien, Jay Leno, Last Comic Standing; podcast You Had to Be There), Paul Mecurio (Conan O’Brien, The Daily Show, Comedy Central Presents), and Chris Distefano (Comedy Central, MTV2’s Guy Code) performing at Comedy Cellar (117 MacDougal Street, between 3rd Street & Minetta Lane) hosted by Big Jay Oakerson (Comedy Central Presents, HBO, Showtime, MTV): The Nasty Show: Dave Attell, Jena Friedman, Nikki Glaser, Big Jay Oakerson, Paul Mecurio, and More

From legendary NYC comedy site Brooklyn Vegan: If you want to know what is happening in NYC comedy on a particular day, you gotta get hip to this dude Hy Bender and his site Best New York Comedy. The site is updated daily and features a super exhaustive look at what is happening in the NYC comedy world that particular day. The site is updated religiously…It is your daily comedy itinerary and it scares me how on top of his shit this guy is.