Best New York Comedy

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Learn which is spookier, "Twilight" or real life, in Shannon O'Neill's one-night-only audience participation bio-play "Kristen Stewart"

Tonight’s recommendations for the best in New York City comedy (in chronological order, with top picks noted and shows over $10 marked with $) include:

7:00 pm ($8): Award-winning improv duo Lucas Kavner and Bradford Jordan make stuff up with “a celebrity guest improvisor’ at Swords, while all-gal improvisors Alexis Saarela, Brigid Boyle, Elizabeth Findlay, and Ashley Ward perform as troupe Taco Supreme

7:30 pm ($10): Sketch shows from Two Fun Men and from Bleak, in the double-bill Two Men Having Fun and Stomachtown

[TOP PICK] 8:00 pm ($10): Groundbreaking and highly acclaimed improvisors Matt Higgins, Jay Rhoderick, and Kevin Scott performing with a three-piece rock ensemble: Centralia

[TOP PICK] [$] 8:00 pm ($49.50): One of the finest comics in the country, Mike Birbiglia’s credits include the hour-long Comedy Central special What I Should Have Said is Nothing; two Comedy Central Presents half-hour specials; multiple appearances on David Letterman and Conan O’Brien; comedy CDs Two Drink Mike and My Secret Public Journal—Live; the book Sleepwalk with Me & Other Painfully True Stories; and his hit off-Broadway show Sleepwalk with Me. Mike’s now returned to the stage, once again creating his unique blend of stand-up and storytelling, for an all-new one-man show at the Barrow Street Theatre (27 Barrow Street, just one block from the #1 subway’s Christopher Street stop) slated to run through May 15th: Mike Birbiglia: My Girlfriend’s Boyfriend

[FREE] 8:00 pm: “A special guest,” plus NYC stand-ups Raquel D’Apice, Jordan Carlos, Dan Goodman, and Nikki Glaser, performing at O’Hanlon’s (14th Street off 1st Avenue) hosted by Mark Normand: Hot Soup

[FREE] 8:00 pm: Improv duo Nathan Phillips & Joe Schiappa, plus guests, make stuff up using unusual improv structures for this free event at The PIT’s downstairs lounge: The Nathan & Joe Show

8:00 pm ($7): “In March of 2009 a gaggle of performers were born. Some died, some wandered off into the woods, others went to work in the private sector. Those that remained grew strong by feeding on the nectar of specific choices and the gruel of strong character work. The 2-year-old terror that exists today is akin to watching a Tsunami of hair and teeth attack a baby Blue Whale and destroy it with the will of a thousand hungry Burnese Mountain Dogs. What does it all mean? We don’t know.” In other words, improv from Chet Watkins

[FREE—plus FREE WINGS] 8:00 pm: NYC stand-ups Kevin McCaffrey (writer for David Letterman, TruTV), Hilary Schwartz (Nice Jewish Girls Gone Bad), David Lee Nelson, Max Cohen, Laura Prangley, and Jay Welch performing at Brooklyn’s The Royal Oak (594 Union Avenue) with hosts Calvin S. Cato, Justin Murray, and Chad Plaines: The Pregame Comedy Show

[$] 8:30 pm & 10:30 pm ($25 & 2-drink min.) A stand-up who’s performed on Conan O’Brien and his own Comedy Central Presents half-hour special headlining tonight through Sunday at the Gotham Comedy Club: Dwayne Perkins

[TOP PICK] 9:00 pm ($10): Some of the finest improv in NYC from the comedy genius members of The Stepfathers

[TOP PICK] 9:00 pm ($7): Ace improvisors who are married—some to each other—including such world-class talents as Ed Herbstman and Doug Mo: The Mamas and the Papas

[TOP PICK] [$] 9:30 pm ($15): Always fresh and imaginative world-class sketch troupe that uses song, movement, and clever scenarios to turn familiar rituals on their head (for a video about awkward goodbyes at the end of a party, please click here) delivering a brand new collection of sketches: The Harvard Sailing Team

[TOP PICK] [$] [DISCOUNTED] 10:00 pm ($15 online or at the door using code MOON): Star comedic storyteller Tom Shillue (Conan O’Brien, The Daily Show, Comedy Central Presents, winner of the 2011 ECNY Award for Best Storyteller) performing a smart, engaging, and often hilarious one-man show at PS 122 (150 First Avenue off 9th Street ) running through April 9th: Tom Shillue is Supernormal

10:00 pm ($7): Singing improvisors who use an interview with an audience member to craft The Made-Up Musical

[TOP PICK] 10:30 pm ($10): Thomas Middleditch and Nate Lang (back after pilot season in LA), plus Craig Rowen, Matt Fisher, Fran Gillespie Sue Galloway, and other superb improvisors make up scenes about an audience member’s legal dispute at The Law Firm: Law & Disorder

11:00 pm ($5): PIT students mix it up with PIT improv veterans at The Draft

11:30 pm ($5): Before the show, audience members may anonymously submit written confessions, secrets, rants, advice and opinons which the improvisors will use onstage: The Friday Night Sh*w

[TOP PICK] Midnight ($5): From the fearless and always innovative Shannon O’Neill, who recently won the 2011 ECNY Award for Best One-Person Show: “I seem to have made a big ole mistake. I wrote a script, I purchased the props, but I forgot to rehearse it. And on top of that I HAVE NO CAST!!!! So… I am going to cast YOU, moments before the show starts. I will hand you a script, give you some props and instruct you to just listen and get ready to perform. Oh man this is going to be a fucking mess of BEAUTY!! If you want a chance to be cast, make reservations and get in line by 11:15pm. I, Shannon O’Neill will personally come out and hand pick the best damn group of Thespians this play has ever seen and will ever see because this play will only be performed ONCE, never to be seen again! What do I look for in a cast? I love fatties, I love skinnies, I love sober people, I love drunk people. I love you all. Every shape, size, and ethnicity. Let’s hold hands and spin the world! What is this play about? Something real fucking weird and TBA. Thanks for helping me fix my mistake. I’ll see you soon friends!:” The Unrehearsed, Historically Inaccurate Story of…Twilight’s Kristen Stewart

[$] 12:30 am ($31.25 & 2-drink min.) A provocative comedy star who’s written for Richard Pryor, Red Foxx, and Saturday Night Live, and performed on Chappelle’s Show and David Letterman, headlining through Sunday at Carolines: Paul Mooney

For full details, please visit HyReviews.com.

If you know anyone who might have a thyroid problem, please tell them about my new book: The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Thyroid Disease.